Life Lessons: Be Yourself
Today I had a thought. If I learned that next week would be my last on Earth, what would I want my kids to know?
My first thought was how I love them more than they will ever, ever comprehend. Then my mind flooded with the seemingly endless things I want to share.
What I kept coming back to was how deeply I want them to know at their core just how unbelievably awesome they each are.
Right now. No achievement required. No validation needed. Of course, I hope to teach them that through persistence, hard work, and a positive attitude, they can make a massively fulfilling difference in this world. But at this very moment, they already are absolutely everything they are supposed to be. One of my greatest mom-worries is that my kids will place their confidence in the hands of others. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made by our Lord. Period.
We each have unique gifts He wants us to use to better this world. I want to teach my kids to never lack confidence or allow comparison to whisk away one ounce of their potential or happiness. To do this, they must learn to narrow (or eliminate) the “don’t give-a-rip” gap.
Most of us must pass through a time gap between our carefree childhood days and sometime into adulthood when we stop caring about and trying to gain the approval or admiration of people that don't matter. During this time, we do give a rip. We care what others think of us, and in doing so, risk the happiness that comes with being our authentic selves. Know this gap exists and work to minimize it as much as possible. Gently acknowledge the pull we all feel toward outside approval and instead, direct attention toward an innate knowing that we are doing the best we can, where we are, with what we have.
Influences (many of which are not of the soul-building variety), come at us from every direction all day long. These can alter our thinking, behavior, desires, and worst case, cause us to lose sight of God’s masterful creation within us. Classmates can influence our kids to want the trendy clothes or make it seem like they are “less than” if they haven’t had sex or been drunk. A career in advertising or entertainment is deemed more glamorous than being a teacher. Every mom in town works outside the home, so maybe I should continue working too. People bend, twist, and gloss up their online lives and serve it up as effortless reality.
We can easily get caught in endless comparison leading us to feel up, down, or that we are not as good, smart, successful, pretty, rich, or [name your attribute] as so-and-so.
An unwavering confidence in ourselves will help us rise above. Funny thing is, the universally most admired people share a single trait: authenticity. They have passed through the “don’t give-a-rip” gap and landed solidly on the other side. We all admire people who are confidently themselves.
I do recognize that comparison is innate. Everyone on Earth has an inborn need to be validated. To feel important. Here’s the thing: we were validated the day God created us. Regularly point out your kids’ wonderful qualities – his big heart, her persistence, his best hugs ever, her curiosity. And don’t forget to acknowledge your own awesome qualities! Thank God, in front of your children, for blessing them with a sharp mind, a strong body, a great attitude, a helping heart. Let’s make sure our kids know just how wonderful they are. Right now. No outside validation required.
I’ve peppered my house with the following in hopes this idea becomes ingrained on my children’s brains:
“Being yourself isn’t a bad thing, it just means you are brave enough to be yourself”
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire” -St Catherine of Sienna
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment” -Ralph Waldo Emmerson
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self” -Ernest Hemingway
“A desire to fit in will make you invisible” -Jim Carrey
So my hope and prayer for you, invaluable mom, is this: be yourself, and encourage your kids to do the same. Teach them that they were made in God’s perfect image. They need to change or conform for no one. Encourage them to take notice of the things they enjoy, what gets them excited, what scares them or makes them uncomfortable and let that light the way. DON’T GIVE A RIP ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. There is such a wonderful peace that comes when we gain an unfailing confidence in who God created us to be and what we are working toward. Never give more power to the opinions of others than your opinion of yourself. We all have a wonderful voice inside our head (it’s from our Lord). Listen. It will guide us to follow our unique path in life, be all that we were made to be, and make the difference we were created to make.
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